A Beginning…

25 02 2005

I’m such a quitter.

I quit everything. At this point it seems like I begin things just in the expectation that I will be able to quit them at some point in the near future.

Quitting school was the biggest. Though it probably wasn’t soon enough. To get to the PhD level just because I couldn’t make a decision about what I wanted to do with my life.

I guess I’ve never really quit a job. I’ve decided not to renew a contract or not go back the next summer break…But I haven’t really quit. But I always want to. That damn work ethic seems to get in the way every single time. I’ve given up before I started. Applying and then getting called about an interview and then deciding that it doesn’t sound that appealing anymore. Maybe that’s why my job karma is so bad at the moment.

How does this relate to this you might ask. I started a “web diary” years and years ago. I think it is still out there somewhere. Forgotten and untouched. It was called “Musetta’s Waltz.” Started during the Rent phase. So I guess right from the start, I don’t have high hopes for the ability to continue this.

Because quitting feels so damn good sometimes.

But maybe I’ve just always been waiting for someone to say “Stay.” This is where you belong. To actually feel wanted. Maybe I haven’t really made up my mind when I think I had and saying “I quit” is my plea for reassurance.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

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